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19 September 2006 @ 07:16 pm
LET IT REALLY SINK IN - THEN CHOOSE .

John is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"

He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, John was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"

He replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or ... you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood." Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or...I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or... I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested.

"Yes, it is," he said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live your life."

I reflected on what he said. Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that he was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back. I saw him about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins...Wanna see my scars?"

I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place.

"The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon-to-be born daughter," he replied. "Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or...I could choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.

He continued, "..the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's a dead man'. I knew I needed to take action."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said John. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. 'Yes, I replied.' The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Gravity'."

Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead."

He lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude.. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.

Attitude, after all, is everything .

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34.

After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. You have two choices now..
 
 
18 September 2006 @ 07:39 pm
Excerpts from real letters "Dear Abby"


Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym
teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two
women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into their
apartment or come out. Do you think they could be Lebanese? Curious
---------
Dear Abby,
I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much I'm not even sure this
baby I'm carrying is his.
---------
Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill for
two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share
half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.
---------
Dear Abby,
I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I confronted
him with the evidence he denied everything and said it would never happen
again.
--------
Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a
good Christian home turn against his own?
--------
Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?
--------
Dear Abby,
My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour every
week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.
--------
Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one
night he came home sober.
--------
Dear Abby,
Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a little gift? I
tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't and he finally did it.
--------
Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is going through her
mental pause.
--------
Dear Abby,
Then you told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to
send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex years ago
and he is a doctor.
--------
Dear Abby,
My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. I'd like to give
him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he'd like? -- Carol

Dear Carol,
Never mind what he'd like. Give him a tie.
---------
Dear Abby,
Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife had a ten pound
baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me, can a baby this big be
that early? -- Wondering

Dear Wondering,
The baby was on time, the wedding was late. Forget it.
---------
Dear Abby,
I know boys will be boys, but my 'boy' is seventy-three and he's still
chasing women. Any suggestions? -- Annie

Dear Annie,
Don't worry. My dog has been chasing cars for years, but if he ever caught
one, he wouldn't know what to do with it.
---------
Dear Abby,
I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can't afford
to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions? -- Sam

Dear Sam,
Yes. Run for public office.
---------
Dear Abby,
What inspires you most to write? -- Ted

Dear Ted,
The Bureau of Internal Revenue.
---------
Dear Abby,
I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man my age with no
bad habits.
* Rose

Dear Rose,
So would I.
---------
Dear Abby,
What's the difference between a wife and a mistress? -- Bess

Dear Bess,
Night and day.
 
 
18 September 2006 @ 07:36 pm
Unbelievable, but these are actual court transcriptions from a book called
"Disorder in the Court."

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
--------------------------------------------------
Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
---------------------------------------------------
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?Collapse )
 
 
18 September 2006 @ 07:34 pm
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping". [Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair]

2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be winner! No purchase necessary. Details "nside". [Evidently, the shoplifter special]

3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." [And that would be how...?]

4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost." [But it's *just* a suggestion]

5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn upside down". [Oops, too late!]

6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after
heating". [As sure as night follows the day...]

7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body". [But wouldn't this save even more time?]

8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication". [We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.]

9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness" [One would hope]

10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only". [As opposed to what?]

11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use". [I gotta admit, I'm curious].

12. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts". [NEWS FLASH]

13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: open packet, eat nuts." [Step 3: Fly Delta]
 
 
18 September 2006 @ 07:33 pm
One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd."


I had quite the weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on.

As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw
this terrible sadness in his eyes.

My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives." He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks" There was a big smile on his face.

It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now.

I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends. He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.

Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, "Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday" He just laughed and handed me half the books.

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship.

Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and
speak. Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous.

Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great" He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. "Thanks," he said.

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began. "Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that
being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story."

I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile.

"Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable."

I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize it's depth.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life. For better or for worse.


God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another in some way. Look for God in others.
 
 
 
18 September 2006 @ 07:27 pm
IQ test

(answers are at the bottom but dont cheat!)

1.) Is there a 4th of July in England?
2.) How many of each animal did moses bring on his arc?
3.) A butcher is 6'3. What does he weigh?
4.) What side of the cup do u drink out of?
5.) In california is it legal 4 a man 2 marry his widow's sister?
6.) You have 7 apples and I take away 2. How many do I have?
7.) There are 14 sheep standing in a field and all but 9 drop down and die. How many are still standing?
8.) A doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one every 30 mins. How long before u took them all?
9.) How many 2 cent stamps are in a dozen?
10.) How many outs are in an inning?

AnswersCollapse )
Tags:
 
 
31 August 2006 @ 07:02 pm
life is a book


you can see it on the shelf and be too busy to pick it up


you can flip it over, read the back and decide it's not for you


you can read the first few pages, think you get the gist of it then try to act upon what you've read


you can read half of it, misconstrue the meaning, and decide you'll do the exact opposite


or you can pick it up and give it a try


you can savour the good parts


you can force yourself to read the parts you don't like


you can cry during the sad chapters and laugh during the funny ones


sometimes you don't understand what you're reading but the more you read the more you will understand


no matter what you choose, by the end, the only regret you'll ever have is that you didn't pick up the book and try


and if you did, by the time you're closing the back cover you'll have a smile on your face


just remember, you can't judge a book by it's cover, but more importantly,


you'll never really understand it until you're finished.
 
 
16 August 2006 @ 06:45 pm
Q1.
If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.

Q2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three candidates. Who would you vote for?


Candidate A.
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologist. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate B.
He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

Candidate C
He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.

Which of these candidates would be your choice?
Decide first... no peeking, then view the answersCollapse )

And finally, can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics:
* 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
* 7 have been arrested for fraud
* 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
* 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at
least 2 businesses
* 3 have done time for assault
* 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
* 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
* 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
* 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the
last year...

Can you guess which organization this is?

Give up yet?Collapse )
 
 
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.

I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.

I'm BLACK, so I MUST carry a gun.

I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.

I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.

I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be smart.

I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.

I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.

I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.

I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST say "EH" and smoke weed.

I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.

I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.

I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.

I'm an ATHEIST, so I MUST hate the world.

I DON'T HAVE A RELIGION, so I MUST not have morals.

I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.

I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.

I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.

I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.

I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.

I TAKE ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.

I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.

I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenience store.

I'm AFRICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.

I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore.

I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.

I'm A DANCER, so I MUST be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.

I WEAR SKIRTS, so I MUST be a slut.

I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.

I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth.

I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a stupid ditz.

I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.

I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.

I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.

I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.

I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.

I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.

I'm ITALIAN, so I MUST have a big cock.

I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.

I'm ALWAYS SMILING AND LAUGHING, so I MUST have a great life.

I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.

I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.

I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be an attention whore.

I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS, so I MUST be looking for attention.

I'm INTO THEATRE & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.

I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.

I have a BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be gay.

I HAVE BIG BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.

I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.

I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.

I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.

I'm GERMAN, so I MUST be a Nazi.

I HANG OUT WITH GAYS, so I MUST be gay too.

I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.

I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.

I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.

I CUT, so I MUST be emo.

I'm POLISH, so I MUST be stupid.

I'm HAWAIIAN, so I MUST be lazy.

I'm a STONER, so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.

I'm a VIRGIN, so I MUST be prude.

I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy.

I'm BLACK, so I MUST love fried chicken.

I'm BI, so I MUST think every chick I see is hot.

I'm BLACK, so I MUST have a big dick.

I'm a HOOKER, so I MUST have crabs.

I DO DRUGS, so I MUST be making nothing of myself in life.

I'm SHORT so I must be a MIDGET

I CARE ABOUT MY LOOKS so I MUST be shallow.

I'm FRENCH so I MUST eat frogs.

I'm a JUGGALO so I MUST be failing in life.

I'm SHORT so I MUST not of eatin enough green veggies as a child.

I'm Drafton, so I MUST have a big dick.

If you hate stereotypes and think ppl should just shut up and stop POST THIS.

Pick the stereotype that you hate the most.
Post this with that as the subject.
 
 
16 August 2006 @ 06:44 pm
An unidentified man in Buenos Aires pushed his wife out of an eighth-floor window but his plan to kill her failed when she became entangled in some power cables below. Seeing she was still alive, the man jumped and tried to land on top of her. He missed...

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

New York: As a female shopper exited a convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police had apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the cruiser and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes Officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

(Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into a bank's basement through a street-level window, cutting himself up pretty badly in the process. He then realized that (1) he could not get to the money from where he was, (2) he could not climb back out the window through which he had entered, and (3) he was bleeding pretty badly. So he located a phone and dialed "911" for help ...

(Location Unknown): A man walked into a Circle-K (a convenience store similar to a 7-11), put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled-- leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.

Oakland, California: Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting pleas to come out and give himself up.

New York: Richard Avella, a 350 pound New York man, entered a Long Island jewelry store, drew a gun, and told the clerk, "This is a stick-up," then tripped and fell to the floor. He was unable to get up before police arrived.

Ionia, Michigan: When two service station attendants refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.